Just saying it in public gets a rainbow of reactions from people. Curiosity, revulsion, confusion, excitement. And in my husband’s friend’s case – total jealousy.
Because they all have the same idea of what it is about. The same idea that I had, until I actually attended. I had geared myself up for something slightly sleazy, kind of fun, more than a tad disrespectful to women, fuelled by the porn industry, and attended by hordes of men dragging unreluctant partners with flagging self esteem in their wake.
Needless to say, the reality was stunningly different.
I am going to say, right now, out loud, for the whole world to hear: I had a FANTASTIC time.
Yes, there were strip shows, yes, there were porn stars, yes, there were more rubber cocks on display than anyone ever needs to see, but there was also the most interesting and wildly exciting thing I have seen in a long time.
There were hundreds and hundreds of women in their sexual power.
Women of every body type imaginable, dressing totally for their own pleasure, completely comfortable in their skin, confident in their own sexuality and totally owning it all.
Sexpo was absolutely all about women being firmly in their sexual power.
As I wandered around the displays, the shows and the forums, the message was absolutely clear:
Women want to have great sex.
Women want to feel fucking amazing about their sexuality.
Women are tired of trying to hide it.
Women are coming out of the closet… and you better be ready, because they are hungry and on the hunt for more.
When I listened closely, though, there was an even deeper message – a question, a feeling, a hope…
You see, as women, we know, in our bones, in our bodies, in our hearts, that sex can be better. Sex can be powerful, it can be connecting, it can be life affirming. It can be a spiritual moment. It can be an awakening.
At our core, we are not really chasing the 3 minute orgasm (guaranteed by the Womanizer vibrator), although sometimes that is all we have time for.
At our core, when we are shopping for an outfit, or a vibrator, or a leather studded paddle, we are really shopping for permission to be ourselves sexually. We are looking for permission to explore our pleasure. With an almost childlike curiosity we are asking – what is my body capable of? What can I allow myself?
What I heard again and again was: I know there must be more – show me how to get it.
And more there absolutely is. It is only a matter of being brave enough to go out and get it.
I am insanely excited about a world in which women feel safe and free to explore the multi faceted dimensions of their sexuality – be that experimenting for the first time with a sex toy, or enrolling in a tantra course. I am absolutely passionate about creating conversations where women can, in their joy, share, encourage, inspire and be honest with other women, especially our younger generation, about what gets them off, turns them on and keeps them lustfully alive. I am in awe of all the women I saw over the weekend, bravely asking for more. And I am wildly proud to be part of the movement to give women the more they are asking for.
PS: If you are asking for more, I highly recommend attending The Yoniverse workshops when they are in a city near you. This is the sex education you wish you had in school. If you want to really get to know what your body is capable of, this is the day for you. And the best part? We do a day workshop just for your partner to learn all the ways he can be more for you as well.